Today I felt the overwhelming need to write something- anything, but really didn’t feel creative at all. Steven James once said that the key to being creative is giving yourself a window to jump through, so I chose a writing exercise from a book. This is the result.
The “assignment” was to write only using imperative voice, and to make it no more and no less than 500 words.
I immediately framed the assignment in the window of past pain- what better example of feeling ordered around than living through abuse? Here’s what fell out of my brain. It’s not my best, but it was nice to get something on paper for a change.
“Imperative”
Tune it out, tune it out, tune it out. Make it stop, no matter what it takes. Look at the sky; see the blue. Imagine you are there, among the clouds. Lose the weight of this world, defy gravity. Stop the fear and show no emotion. Block every sensation that tries to distract you. Feel nothing because nothing is always safer than something you don’t understand. Close your heart, but leave your eyes open. See beyond this place. Ignore the pain, and open your brain. Float above the confusion. Stop it, stop it, stop it. Fight from the inside out. Choose wisely; leave your body or leave your mind, but be ready to pay the price either way. Stop trying to understand. Wait for it to end. Don’t hear. Don’t see. Ignore the discomfort in your soul. Don’t go there. Stay here, in this silent utopia. Don’t speak. Stop listening. Tell me when it ends. Hang on to the fantasy because it’s your only way out of this reality. Let go of the questions, they only make things worse. Trust no one. Tell no one. Never ever be stupid enough to think you are safe.
STOP!
Change your future by claiming your past. See it. Acknowledge it. Experience it. Don’t be afraid. Remember that it’s over. Identify yourself as a survivor. Expose the lies. Don’t forget to remember how strong you are. Leave the fear, disown the guilt. Release the anger. Allow yourself to grieve. Decide to hope.
Dare to believe that your past does not define your future. Begin to listen to the voice inside your soul. Look around, what do you see? Decide what to keep and what to reject. Accept nothing less than unconditional love. Believe that you matter. Dare to voice your dreams. Look forward to tomorrow because you have already faced yesterday. Leave the baggage, lose the excuses. Choose to change your assumptions about yourself. Let no one define you, and change the labels you’ve given to yourself.
Stop ignoring the ache. Cry out to God and give yourself permission to unload your emotions on Him. Don’t be afraid to be mad at Him. Ask God all your questions; trust that He’s listening. Believe that He’s powerful enough to take anything, no matter how horrible, and make it new. Let Him show you how He’s redeeming your past. Know that vengeance belongs to Him alone, and stop trying to give your pain to someone else.
Take your time as you figure out just what you’ve lost and exactly what you’ve gained. Admit that things don’t always make sense, but understand that everything matters. Accept that every experience is only a tiny fragment of your life. Refuse to see pieces without putting them together inside the whole picture. Find the good; believe it’s there.
Fight to be free. Break the chains and choose to stop the cycle of bondage. Become the person you’ve always wanted to be. Learn to love. Begin to live in the moment.
Reflections Along the Journey 